sad songs

“We met at the wrong time. That’s what I keep telling myself anyway. Maybe one day years from now, we’ll meet in a coffee shop in a far away city somewhere and we could give it another shot.”

I’m sat alone in Letna park, in a patch of shade overlooking the Old Town of Prague. The three Australian girls I met in my hostel room last night have just left me, and for the first time in over a week, I have a chance to think. To reflect, to write. And in a way, to grieve.

Last night, I saw a man in a suit hand over the lead of a black lab puppy to a haggard-looking woman who was clearly on drugs. He paid her 100 CZK in cash and she yanked the dog harshly, holding the leash tight and dragging it upwards by the neck, making it yelp. Watching it all sort of broke my heart, and I wanted to cry. 

Some people might say I’m a pessimist, and a lot of the time I’d agree with them. But deep down, when it comes to it, I’m a dreamer. A hopeless wanderer, with itchy feet and an open mind prone to fantasies. I love adventures, and the idea of romance, and I want it all, together. I used to want it abstractly and from a distance; it was more of a “someday” sort of dream than an active one. Until I got a little taste. Just a drop—three days. But it was enough.

Enough for me to want more, and to realize I probably won’t get it. Not this time, at least. It’s odd, because I’d never really worried about being clingy before I traveled. I’ve always been pretty good at separating my feelings, isolating the annoying or unnecessary in the presence of someone who might not reciprocate them. And I’ve had flings, and even hookups, during the last three months abroad. They’re fun, and they don’t last. We go our separate ways. We might stay friends on Facebook, or we might not remember any more about each other than a blurry face and a first name. That’s the unspoken rule of travel: you let go. Everyone’s here to meet people and see the world, not to stay or settle down or fall in love. Not in a way that lasts, at least. But somehow, despite knowing all of this, I sort of did.

I don’t wish it didn’t happen, not really. He’s a good, good guy. One of the best I’ve met. In fact, I can only think of one other guy I’ve known, back home, who comes across as pure and lovely as this one. My cynical British friend insists I’m naive about it, too hopeful and foolhardy. But I know. I’ve met good guys, I’ve met decent guys, bad guys as well. But only a few are… tender and pure. I don’t know how else to describe it. It’s more of a feeling, that they respect you, treat you like an equal. They might be more reserved with touch because they’re a bit shy and don’t want to overstep your boundaries. They’re sweet and can express their feelings but they don’t overload you with them. They feel lucky to be with you, but not because they’re insecure. I’m doing a shit job of trying to articulate it, but like I said, when I meet one of these guys, I know.

I feel fortunate, really. It was a beautiful thing for me, and I’ll always have the memories. But it still hurts. It feels like I lost something that I only barely managed to grasp as the time slipped away. Part of it is lust, of course; I’m not entirely immune to that feeling, or the knowledge that it’s a factor in all of this. But for me at least, there was an audible click. And the hard part is not knowing whether he heard it too. Or rather, whether it was loud enough to last. Like I said, I’ve never worried about being clingy, but expectations are different with travelers. Snapchatting or messaging a few times a day at home would be normal, but I’m suddenly worried it’s too much. That maybe I’m a bother. This is all internal fear; nothing he’s done has implied as much. In fact, I was pleasantly surprised when he messaged me that day, after we’d said goodbye. I left expecting it to be over, and was prepared to resign myself to it. I prefer to leave rather than be left, so perhaps I’m overanalyzing the signs, preparing for the worst and to be the first person to take that step if need be. It’s such a long shot for anything to come of it… And yet I want something to. That’s what makes me a dreamer, and that’s what makes it hurt. Because in some parallel world or storyline, something like this could happen, and does happen, for people. The knowledge that, if feelings and motivation were mutual, something grand could emerge from a simple travel fling makes the leaving hard sometimes. Painful even. Because they often aren’t or maybe they are but the two people don’t know that they both feel the same way. Want the same thing. We’re too scared to be honest, to make ourselves vulnerable, and who knows how many opportunities we miss out on because of those fears. I fear rejection, because rejection ruins the dream. And if you let it, taints the beautiful memories. 

I’ve never had a breakup before, never had my heart broken. Not in love, anyway. This is probably the closest thing to it I’ve felt, and I don’t quite understand why. Why him, why now. I wasn’t even looking for anything that night, had worn a loose dress and little makeup and thrown my hair in a bun because I was tired of going home with someone. Tired of missing out on dancing with my friends because I’d met a guy. It’s funny how you find what you’ve been looking for when you finally stop searching for it. And it’s sad because the beginning was almost the end for us; we were both about to move on. 

I could have stayed another night. Thought about it, but not really. I was going to stick with my new friends and see another town, because after all, that’s what I’m here for. Not boys, but places. And the people I meet along the way. But then he came the next day, and stayed up all night with me, long after our friends had gone to bed, because I had to catch an early bus and didn’t want to sleep and didn’t want to miss a moment of this goodbye. I can’t say how much I appreciated that. To sleep with someone—twice—without any sex. Without feeling like I owe something, or that someone expects it from me. Not to say I didn’t want to, because I did. But I think it means more to me this way. It’s more special, rare, and therefore treasured. 

It’s hard right now to imagine meeting another guy. Charlie Puth’s lyric “Does it feel, feel like you’re never gonna find nothing better?” comes to mind. I’ve only thought that before about one other guy, the only other good, good one that I’ve known. (Known and been interested in, I should say.) And even with him, it wasn’t to this extent. That adds to the sadness, because I can’t help but wonder about the “what if’s” and the “might be’s”. Will the feelings fade? They have to, if nothing comes of them, because people move on from real relationships and breakups all the time. They survive, and thrive, and fall in love again. At the moment, I don’t understand how, but I guess I’ll just have to trust the journey. Travel is crazy, and can make you crazy, I swear it. Yet I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything. 

After a week, I think that’s what I needed to say. To get it out of my system, or at least sort it out a bit in my head. Writing down my feelings helps me validate and understand them, and I’ve been in a bit of a limbo this last week having them bounce around with no sort of sense. This has been a stream-of-conscious post, which I love doing when I want to dump my thoughts and feelings onto paper (or in this case, the notes section of my phone) without worrying about making them sound orderly or pretty. Despite the fact that I’ll probably post this on my blog, it’s not for anyone else. If you can take something from it, all the better, but I wrote it for me, and I hope that if you’re reading it, you can understand and respect that. I’ve been pretty open and vulnerable, and I hope to God that doesn’t make me come across as fucking clingy. Or crazy. And that I can stop worrying about those words entirely. 

“So we’ll just let things take their course, and never be sorry.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

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excerpts #2

so how come things move on, how come cars don’t slow
~
and we swore on that night we’d be friends til we die
but the changing of winds, and the way waters flow
life as short as the falling of snow

I’ve never broken up with anyone. I’ve never been in a romantic relationship, so there’s never been a need to. You don’t break up with your friends, or so I’ve always thought.

I’ve had friendships end, of course. People drift apart, or switch schools, or move away, or stop getting along, or have a huge fight that destroys their relationship. I’m familiar enough with the ebbs and flows of friendships, the tides that bring them into my life and then sweep them away. But I’ve never felt quite the way I do now. It’s foreign and strange to me to end a good friendship. One that’s been solid and strong for several years. I didn’t realize that even some good friendships have their expiration dates. Is it normal to feel this way?

I draw comparisons to a romantic relationship because there’s nothing inherently wrong with this friendship; I’m just not satisfied anymore. I don’t feel like I’m drawing much from interacting and it seems that one person is growing and the other is not. Change can certainly alter friendships, but this is different. It’s as though the relationship has come full circle; I don’t feel like I need it anymore. I feel like it will only weigh me down in the future, as I head off to college and try to juggle and balance and enjoy the many facets of my new adult life. I feel ready to let go, ready to move on. To leave her and our friendship behind. Not because it’s bad, but because it’s no longer enhancing my life. There is no bitterness, no anger, no hard feelings on my part. I don’t dislike or resent her. I am simply ready to move forward, to have adventures and explore the world and try to be a more well-rounded person, while she is content to remain the same, to live in her sheltered bubble. I think change is challenging, yet we challenge ourselves by changing. By broadening our minds and perspectives and branching out. By trying new things and exploring new ideas. By leaving our bubbles of comfort and sameness. I don’t want to fault people for their choices, but I find it sad and stifling and boring to remain the same. To be around people who remain the same. Growth and change are part of what makes us human; they are two of the blessings of mortality. It’s a shame not to embrace them. To ignore them and let the possibilities and opportunities they bring pass you by.

I wonder whether she’s thinking about these things too, whether she feels the same way about our friendship or whether she’s upset at all or whether she’s entirely oblivious. Whether she resents me for changing, or whether she even notices. I wonder, but I won’t ask. I won’t end it, tell her it’s over. Because this isn’t a breakup; it’s a step forward.

Somehow, though, it feels like both.

xx. Until Next Time.

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The Simple Things

Well, after nearly a month of being out of town, I’m back home and loving it. I spent a week in Portland, Maine before adventuring on to Paris, London, Belfast, and Dublin for two and a half weeks. I learned so much and gained valuable traveling experience, yet it’s good to be home. The Common App released on Saturday and I’ve begun filling out bits and pieces of it, all while studiously ignoring the essay portion. I finished a book over the weekend – The Final Empire by Brandon Sanderson – and it was actually the first book I’d completed since June. This year has been very slow reading-wise but so fast-paced in almost every other way. I spent a good portion of Saturday and part of Sunday totally reorganizing my bookshelves and, for better or for worse, I’m satisfied with the way they turned out. (There’s only so much a girl can do with more books than she has shelves to put them on.) I’m back to using my beloved planner after a month-long hiatus. It’s nice to feel productive again, though my suitcase still lies unpacked in my entryway. I guess it’s a work in progress.

I’ve caught up on my ridiculous reality TV shows and done even more college research, slowly whittling down my top choices and safety schools into a selection that will hopefully comprise my final list. I’m touring three more schools in mid-September, and possibly one or two more after that, though nothing of the sort is firmly planned. I started posting on my “bookstagram” account again yesterday after a very long and unintended absence. (For those who are unfamiliar with the term, the word bookstagram is used to describe an Instagram account dedicated to bookish posts.) My family has been eating home-cooked meals for dinner since I returned from Europe and it’s a surprisingly welcome change. The baked ziti and delicious salads have been my favorite parts so far.

Yesterday was a particularly good day: I had a balanced day of relaxation and productivity. I managed to watch TV, work on college stuff, nap, and exercise and truthfully I was very proud of myself. *Pats self on back.* Then one of my closest friends and I went out for dinner at a newish sushi joint called Kelp. While the service was mediocre, the menu was awesome and the food we tried – crab rangoon, the Mexican roll, and a tempura fried tofu and sweet potato roll – was fantastic. It’s not a pricy place either, so if you’re in the area and looking for reasonable and delicious sushi, then check it out. Afterwards, we tried to rent The Hobbit from RedBox, but it was unavailable so we went back to my house and watched the first Lord of the Rings movie. I hadn’t watched it in a few years, and had forgotten there was so little action in the first installment (compared to the next two, of course). However, I enjoyed seeing Tolkien’s Middle-earth brought to life again and we have plans to watch the second movie later this week when the weather’s supposed to be awful.

One of my other good friends is turning 18 on Monday, which is crazy. I haven’t seen her in forever due to us both having hectic schedules and being out of town, but I’m looking forward to celebrating with her and her family this weekend. She requested a Thanksgiving-style dinner because she adores Thanksgiving and I absolutely love the idea. More home-cooked food… Yay!

It’s my half-birthday today. I finally get to see my trainer again and I’m thrilled because he’s sardonic and witty and lovely because of it. We get along grandly and I have a few fridge magnets to give him from my travels that he can add to his ever-growing collection. What I’m learning from my few days of being back is that home, family, and the simple things are those that I sometimes forget to appreciate at their full value and that they deserve to be recognized more often. Getting away from it all and seeing the world is amazing. I cherished my trips while I was on them, and before, and after. But learning to appreciate the quirks of your family, the flaws of your friends, and the familiarity of your hometown is harder when you’re here living through it all. It’s easy to love what you don’t have, so it’s easy to miss these things when you’re away from them. The trick is learning to appreciate what you have while you still have it. It’s an invaluable lesson. And I’m still learning.

I Was Here by Gayle Forman

51BFWYC2-nL._SY344_BO1,204,203,200_Novel: I Was Here by Gayle Forman | Goodreads
Release Date: January 27th, 2015
Publisher: Viking Juvenile
Format: Hardcover
Source: Library
Also Published On: Lit Up Review

Cody and Meg were inseparable.
Two peas in a pod.
Until . . . they weren’t anymore.

When her best friend Meg drinks a bottle of industrial-strength cleaner alone in a motel room, Cody is understandably shocked and devastated. She and Meg shared everything—so how was there no warning? But when Cody travels to Meg’s college town to pack up the belongings left behind, she discovers that there’s a lot that Meg never told her. About her old roommates, the sort of people Cody never would have met in her dead-end small town in Washington. About Ben McAllister, the boy with a guitar and a sneer, who broke Meg’s heart. And about an encrypted computer file that Cody can’t open—until she does, and suddenly everything Cody thought she knew about her best friend’s death gets thrown into question.

I Was Here is Gayle Forman at her finest, a taut, emotional, and ultimately redemptive story about redefining the meaning of family and finding a way to move forward even in the face of unspeakable loss.

This one was somewhat of a let down for me. I’ve been a fan of Gayle Forman’s since If I Stay was a light blue hardcover featuring a bird and a tree (what even was that cover??). She’s made my auto-buy list with her life-changing duologies that keep me self-reflecting weeks, months, years after reading them. The only reason I didn’t automatically purchase I Was Here was because I’ve been tight on money and trying to save. But I’m thankful that I didn’t purchase Forman’s fifth contemporary novel because I will never reread it.

Now let me just put this out there – this novel was by no means bad. In fact, I quite enjoyed reading it: it was a quick, easy, and, for the most part, engaging read. However, it didn’t live up to my extremely high standards for Gayle Forman. I Was Here is a novel about suicide, or rather, the aftermath of it. Cody is the former best friend of dead Meg, and she’s left to put together the pieces of Meg’s surprising suicide. The novel deals with friendship, with coming of age, with family, with small town life, and with love. It had all the ingredients for a great cake of a story, but overall it fell flat for me.

Here were my biggest issues:
1. Cody falls in love with the guy who broke Meg’s heart. They both lost their virginity to him.
2. The pacing of the novel is a bit slow and, at times, boring.
3. The big reason for Meg’s suicide – depression – is obvious to the reader from the beginning, but Cody never figures it out on her own.
4. Forman touches briefly on all of the issues explored in this novel, but doesn’t go into the depth readers experience in her other novels.
5. For a novel about teen suicide, it sparked hardly any emotion in me as a reader.

My favorite characters in this novel were side characters. I liked the character development of Cody’s mom, adored Meg’s little brother, and enjoyed the humor of Meg’s old roommates. I liked Cody and Ben both separately, and together in a platonic way. That being said, Cody and Ben together were just alright. While their romance did take a backseat in this novel, I think I Was Here would have been better off if it hadn’t existed at all. Their relationship brings this novel to the brink of the new adult genre rather than YA, and it just feels forced/cliche/fake/unnecessary to the focus of the plot.

The pros of this novel are great character development and evolution of relationships between characters. The characters provided depth where the issues did not. The plot is slow, but still manages to be engaging. I think every reader will be disgusted as it unfolds to reveal the events leading up to Meg’s death, and in this regard the novel is a success. Forman draws attention to the dangers of online pro-suicide “support groups” that prey on vulnerable young minds. As always, Forman tackles a deep issue, but with less grace than I was accustomed to in her previous novels. The many typos in the book and the lack of depth to the abundance of issues covered makes me think this book was written in a rush, with little revision or review. In addition, Forman’s writing had an inferior quality to it when compared to her other works.

Unfortunately, it is very difficult for me to write a fair, balanced review when I feel disappointed by a book, particularly one I was really looking forward to reading. I Was Here was not a poorly written, disgrace of a novel. Not at all. It was a far cry from Forman’s If I Stay and Just One Day duologies, but I rated it a 3.5/5 stars on Goodreads. There were certainly elements that I appreciated and I don’t regret reading it. But it didn’t change me the way I wanted it to, the way Forman’s other novels did and the way suicide novels like All the Bright Places did. It was underwhelming and that’s okay.

I remain neutral in recommending this novel. If it sounds interesting to you, then pick it up and you will most likely enjoy it. If you’re looking for a life-changing novel, I’d suggest reading one of Forman’s other books.

October Wrap-up

October was a whopping good month for me. I was extremely busy the whole month, but for the most part it was a nice kind of busy. There were some bumps in the road- like the PSAT, which I don’t think I did as well on as I could have and a slight scrape against a fellow student’s car in the parking lot- but overall, I had a fantastic month that I want to remember. Scroll to the bottom to see all the pictures!

Spirit Week
My school’s spirit week began the first week of October to pump everyone up for the homecoming game. I didn’t go all out (most days I just wore a themed t-shirt) but on Wizard Wednesday I dressed up as Harry Potter. I used red face paint to make a scar on my forehead before school and by 5th period had forgotten it was there. I ended up having to run to the bathroom in the middle of Spanish because it looked like my entire face was bleeding (I had unwittingly smeared the paint all over myself). My friend redrew the scar with eyeliner, but during 7th period I smeared it again and took it off for good. It was a good laugh for everyone witnessing my blunders.

Panther Prowl
Panther Prowl is my school’s annual student-led pep rally that occurs the week of the homecoming game at night. Each service club gets to perform a dance before the audience and a panel of judges decides whose was best. The theme this year was “Circus” so my service club, La Sertoa, did a really cool dance with the seniors dressed as dolls (representing my school) and the juniors dressed as clowns (representing the other team’s school). Our music was an awesome mashup of three songs, and we nailed our performance. Our hard work paid off because we won!

One Direction Concert
This was definitely one of the highlights of my month year. I bought tickets for me and my friend Kathryn for the Where We Are tour 11 months in advance and had been anticipating the event for what seemed like forever. And oh my goodness, I was not disappointed. The opening act was 5 Seconds of Summer, whose music I was only slightly familiar with. I loved them, and then One Direction came out. And I was blown away. My city was the second-to-last stop of the WWA tour, and Harry’s hair was done up by Lou in french braids and a bun. At first I was annoyed because I love his long hair and turban look, but I quickly grew to love the new do. We were the only show he wore it like that for! I think I will end up writing a separate post about this concert sometime before the year ends- I still have a lot of pictures and videos to go through and compile.

Birthday Parties
This month, I celebrated birthdays with three of my friends. My friend Jackie had a beautiful dinner party at a country club. I got salad, steamed and marinated veggies with brown rice, lots of bread, and rose-shaped butter. It was all delicious, and even better was the giant piece of confetti cake that followed. Next, my friend Gracie had a dinner party at a fancy Italian restaurant at the mall. I got mushroom ravioli, and again, lots of bread. Afterwards, we all drove to Yogurtology and got fro-yo and sat outside for over an hour talking and singing along to the music blasting from the store’s speakers. And finally, my friend Jodi had an awesome dinner and movie night at her house. We had salad, chips and homemade queso, and self-decorated cupcakes. And lots of peach tea. Then we watched Failure to Launch, a funny chick-flick that I quite enjoyed. Afterward, those of us who stayed went out to the backyard and sat around a campfire. I am so thankful that I was able to celebrate such special occasions with three great friends.

5SOS
After the One Direction concert, I bought the 5SOS album and all of the band’s EP’s. I am now obsessed with their music and- to an extent- them. They are doing a Rock Out with Your Socks Out tour next year, and I bought tickets for myself and Kathryn. It’s next September, but we’re already super pumped for it.

Homecoming Dance
My friend Gracie has organized a homecoming group for the past three years, but this was the first year that I could go. My first homecoming was an interesting experience. We started out at Arden’s house to take pictures. Then a limo came and picked us up and took us to dinner at Seasons 52. I ordered the organic baby spinach and caramelized pear salad and it was delicious. A couple from a few tables away sent a waiter over to ask us what we were dressed up for, and when we replied “homecoming,” the woman came over and talked to us. She said that her son went to another high school and that he had a girlfriend of 10 months that she wanted him to break up with. She then showed us a picture of him in his truck (he was cute) and asked if anyone was interested. My friend Katelyn put her number in the mom’s phone. It was one of the funniest experiences I’ve had in a long time, and we all thought it was hilarious. After dinner, the limo drove us to the dance. The dance itself sucked, quite frankly. The music was bad- all rap or spanish love songs. There was a lot of grinding going on around us, but luckily our all-girl group stuck together in a huddle and danced awkwardly for almost two hours. We met up with another group friends during the dance, as well. Afterward, the limo drove us back to Gracie’s house where we had a midnight breakfast. A few girls who didn’t come to the dance showed up and we all hung out and talked for awhile. I ended up leaving at around 2 because I hate sleepovers (I need as much sleep as I can get, honestly), but some girls spent the night. Overall, I’m glad I went. Everything besides the dance was a blast and I had a fun time bonding with the girls in my group.

Book Club
The day after homecoming was book club. This month, we read Frankenstein by Mary Shelley. I got my friend Rebekah to come, and we had pumpkin spice tea and mini pumpkin cupcakes while we discussed the book (which neither of us finished until after the meeting).

One Direction Concert Movie
I went to see the One Direction Where We Are concert film all by myself because my friend Kathryn had to cancel last minute. It was a $15 ticket, which is pretty pricy. I sat alone among a bunch of 12 year old girls and middle-aged moms. But there was an exclusive interview for most of the first half hour and then the Milan concert footage for another hour or so. It was a great film, very well made. I’m glad I got to see it.

Swimming
For high school swimming, we had our last dual meet this month. We also had Western Conference Championships and County Championships. My team won both meets and I qualified for both. Then we had districts at the end of the month, which my team won, and I advanced to regions. My team had a regions dinner the night before Halloween.

New Books
My reading has significantly declined since the start of school, I’m sad to say. However, I still purchased two new books this month. The Blood of Olympus released in the beginning of October and it’s the fifth and final installment in the Heroes of Olympus series by Rick Riordan. I also bought the Penguin Clothbound Classics edition of The Count of Monte Cristo (unabridged), which is our November book club selection. I haven’t begun Riordan’s new release yet, but I’ve read around 60 pages of Alexandre Dumas’s famed classic and I’m loving it so far.

Steal My Girl Music Video
The music video for One Direction’s newest single released! It’s nonsensical like the band’s music videos always are, but it’s highly entertaining. The boys announced that we, the fans, had broken the 24-hour VEVO record, but that turned out to be a mistake. Unfortunately, we did not break the record, but we still got to see an awesome music video to an awesome song.

Grandparents
My mom’s parents returned to their Florida home after being in their North Carolina retirement community for the summer. We visited them the day after my mom’s birthday and caught up, ate lunch and dessert, and played charades. It was great to see them again after so long.

1989
Taylor Swift’s new album released on October 27th! It is her fifth album, and it’s labeled as all pop. I went to Target straight after school Monday and bought the deluxe edition. I’ve had it on repeat in my car all week, and listened to it every chance I get. I think this is definitely her best album yet. I love her new sound and I’m happy her songs are still lyrically based. I love every single song- no surprise- but my favorites are Blank SpaceStyleAll You Had To Do Was Stay, and Wonderland. I think I will post a separate album review sometime soon.

Hockey
I went to two Lightning games this month. In the game versus the New Jersey Devils, the Lightning lost 2-1, but in the game versus the Arizona Coyotes, the Bolts won 7-3. I went with my dad to the first game, but brought my friend Korina along to the second one. My dad and brother, Matthew, sat in our season seats while Korina and I sat in the rowdy 3rd level section. It was an interesting change in venue, but we moved down to sit with my family after the 1st period. I think I might have sparked a slight interest in hockey in Korina, although she admitted it was mostly the “hot players” that grabbed her attention, not the game itself. I also watched the Lightning games I didn’t go to on television, and also watched a few other hockey games on TV here and there. The Lightning season home opener was at the beginning of the month (I stupidly gave up my tickets to babysit), and the puck officially dropped on the 2014-2015 NHL season.

New Clothes
I purchased some new clothes last month in preparation for the some of the upcoming events I had in October, but this month I bought a few new things too. I bought a necklace for homecoming at a local boutique and I bought three sweatshirts from an amazing Etsy shop: a Harry Styles tattoo sweatshirt, a Louis Tomlinson tattoo sweatshirt, and a “lol ur not harry styles” sweatshirt. I’m in love. I also bought a sweater on sale from Banana Republic that looks very similar to the one the boys wore in the You & I music video. Can you sense a theme to my purchases?

Friends
Due to the various organized social gatherings I attended this month, I spent a lot of quality time with friends. I also did spontaneous individual things- like making a fro-yo run at 9:30 pm with Korina (during which she got a flat tire) and having deep talks on the floor of my room afterward. This was a month of long phone conversations and nighttime drives. I made a Peter Pan costume for my friend Peter for Halloween. We went shopping earlier in the month to get the materials I would need, and then did a fitting (and mini photo shoot) on Halloween. I cut the t-shirt, measured, cut, and braided the belt, and cut and sewed the hat all by myself. I ordered tights online and picked out his shoes. I was very pleased with the way it turned out, and am proud of myself for doing it.

Halloween
I haven’t celebrated Halloween since 8th grade. It’s never been a holiday I’m particularly fond of, but this year a number of factors combined to make it a great night. This year, Halloween was on a Friday, I had a brilliant costume idea, and I had plans to celebrate. I dressed up as Harry Styles. I wore my new tattoo sweatshirt, skinny jeans, black ankle boots, and Korina did my hair in two side french braids with a bun in the middle. I went to Korina’s house, along with my friend Ally (who dressed as Lorde) and Korina’s friend Paula (who dressed as batman). We got thai/sushi takeout from one of my favorite restaurants and spent the night passing out candy, taking pictures, and running around the house like idiots. I got us locked out of the house, but thankfully Korina’s parents came home to let us in. We were going to watch Harry Potter movies, but I had a curfew due to regions being the next day so I left around 11. It was a fun time, and we had lots of laughs.

Also, this didn’t fit into any of the above categories, but my American Studies classes did mock trials the day before Halloween and I was the judge! Gaveling.