i am a searcher

“I am one of the searchers. There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach, we are drawn by the ocean, taken by its power, its unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty. We like forests and mountains, deserts and hidden rivers, and the lonely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter. To share our sadness with one we love is perhaps as great a joy as we can know – unless it be to share our laughter.

We searchers are ambitious only for life itself, for everything beautiful it can provide. Most of all we love and want to be loved. We want to live in a relationship that will not impede our wandering, nor prevent our search, nor lock us in prison walls; that will take us for what little we have to give. We do not want to prove ourselves to another or compete for love.

For wanderers, dreamers, and lovers, for lonely men and women who dare to ask of life everything good and beautiful. It is for those who are too gentle to live among wolves.”
– James Kavanaugh, There Are Men Too Gentle to Live Among Wolves

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truth

“Wanna know the fucking truth? Nobody is fucking happy. Nobody has skin made from oil paint and sunlight. Nobody fucking understands this world. Fuck, nobody probably understands math as much as they claim. You’re here one day and the next you’re not. God? Religion? I’ve learned a lot more about the world by eating acid and swallowing pills. Tell me what your church has done for you. Tell me if you have holes in your mouth from speaking lies. Wanna know the fucking truth? Pity is just another word for pathetic. Drink beer and watch the sunrise from every rooftop. Take photographs naked. Take photographs kissing. Take photographs having sex. Stop making everything about sexuality. Wanna know the fucking truth? Nobody really gives a damn if you lost your virginity at fourteen or if you were the president in high school. Wanna know the fucking truth? There is no such thing as the right person. People leave. They change like ocean currents, they leave you with bruises in your calves. And you wanna know the fucking truth? You get better. You learn to love. You find God in between the cracks of a wall when you’re puking your limbs out. You wanna know the fucking truth? Go find it.”

–– a rather callous Tumblr post; its strength hit me nonetheless

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love yourself, kiddo

 

And kid, you’ve got to love yourself. You’ve got to wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee, and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn. You’ve got to sit next to the man at the train station who’s reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You’ve got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you’ve got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store. You’ve got to stop taking everything so goddamn personally. You are not the moon kissing the black sky. You’ve got to compliment someone’s crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid–July. You’ve got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won’t matter in two years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You’ve got to stop worrying about what you’re going to tell her when she finds out. You’ve got to stop overthinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago. You’ve got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. Fuck it. Love yourself, kiddo. You’ve got to love yourself.
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Quotes for Thought

Just popping in to share a few quotes that have moved or inspired me recently. Enjoy!

  • “I’m not going to die,” she said. “Not till I’ve seen it.”
    “Seen what?”
    Her smile widened. “Everything.”
    ― V.E. Schwab, A Darker Shade of Magic
  • “Did you know I always thought you were braver than me? Did you ever guess that that was why I was so afraid? It wasn’t that I only loved some of you. But I wondered if you could ever love more than some of me.I knew I’d miss you. But the surprising thing is, you never leave me. I never forget a thing. Every kind of love, it seems, is the only one. It doesn’t happen twice. And I never expected that you could have a broken heart and love with it too, so much that it doesn’t seem broken at all. I know young people look at me and think my youth seems so far away, but it’s all around me, and you’re all around me. Tiger Lily, do you think magic exists if it can be explained? I can explain why I loved you, I can explain the theory of evolution that tells me why mermaids live in Neverland and nowhere else. But it still feels magic.

    The lost boys all stood at our wedding. Does it seem odd to you that they could have stood at a wedding that wasn’t yours and mine? It does to me. and I’m sorry for it, and for a lot, and I also wouldn’t change it.

    It is so quiet here. Even with all the trains and the streets and the people. It’s nothing like the jungle. The boys have grown. Everything has grown. Do you think you will ever grow? I hope not. I like to think that even if I change and fade away, some other people won’t.
    I like to think that one day after I die, at least one small particle of me – of all the particles that will spread everywhere – will float all the way to Neverland, and be part of a flower or something like that, like that poet said, the one that your Tik Tok loved. I like to think that nothing’s final, and that everyone gets to be together even when it looks like they don’t, that it all works out even when all the evidence seems to say something else, that you and I are always young in the woods, and that I’ll see you sometime again, even if it’s not with any kind of eyes I know of or understand. I wouldn’t be surprised if that is the way things go after all – that all things end happy. Even for you and Tik Tok. and for you and me.

    Always,
    Your Peter

    P.S. Please give my love to Tink. She was always such a funny little bug.”
    ― Jodi Lynn Anderson, Tiger Lily

  • “Very few of us are what we seem.” ― Agatha Christie, The Man in the Mist
  • Esse quam videri.
  • “Simplicity is an acquired taste. Mankind instinctively complicates life.” – K.F. Gerould
  • “Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different…” – C.S. Lewis
  • “Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart.”
  • “People will stare. Make it worth their while.” – Harry Winston
  • “I always ask myself why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same question.”  – Harun Yahya
  • “You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place, I told him, like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.” ― Azar Nafisi, Reading Lolita in Tehran
  • “All guilt is rooted in the inability to forgive oneself.” – Michelle A. Homme
  • “We travel not to escape life, but for life not to escape us.”
  • “One day, whether you are 14, 28 or 65
    you will stumble upon someone who will start a fire in you that cannot die.
    However, the saddest, most awful truth you will ever come to find –
    is they are not always with whom we spend our lives.” ― Beau Taplin, Hunting Season
  • “Die with memories, not dreams.”
  • “And then there is the most dangerous risk of all – the risk of spending your life not doing what you want on the bet you can buy yourself the freedom to do it later.” – Randy Komisar
  • “Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you’ll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.”
  • “She was unstoppable. Not because she did not have failures or doubts, but because she continued on despite them.” ― Beau Taplin, Unstoppable
  • “The problem was I wanted to be yours, more than I ever wanted to be mine.” – Beau Taplin, The Problem
  • “It is a frightening thought, that in one fraction of a moment you can fall in the kind of love that takes a lifetime to get over.” – Beau Taplin
  • “And in the end, we were all just humans, drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness.”
  • “Seduce my mind and you can have my body,
    Find my soul and I’m yours forever.” – Anonymous
  • “Fill your life with experiences, not things. Have stories to tell, not stuff to show.”
  • “I love the person I’ve become, because I fought to become her.” – Kaci Diane
  • “Don’t say maybe if you want to say no.”
  • “Your life is your story. Write well. Edit often.” – Susan Statham

Thanks for reading.

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Quotes I Love

Here is a list of quotes, consisting of both new discoveries and old favorites, that I’ve been loving lately.

  • “So we’ll just let things take their course, and never be sorry.”
    ― F. Scott Fitzgerald, Benediction
  • “Open your eyes and see what you can with them before they close forever.”
    ― Anthony Doerr, All the Light We Cannot See
  • “The world goes on, stupid and brutal, but I do not. Can’t you see? I do not.”
    ― Jennifer Donnelly, Revolution
  • “I know it is a bad thing to break a promise, but I think now that it is a worse thing to let a promise break you.”
    ― Jennifer Donnelly, A Northern Light
  • “Don’t let yourself feel worthless: often through life you will really be at your worst when you seem to think best of yourself; and don’t worry about losing your “personality,” as you persist in calling it: at fifteen you had the radiance of early morning, at twenty you will begin to have the melancholy brilliance of the moon, and when you are my age you will give out, as I do, the genial golden warmth of 4 p.m.”
    ― F. Scott Fitzgerald, This Side of Paradise
  • “And the rest is rust and stardust.”
    ― Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita
  • “You could rattle the stars,” she whispered. “You could do anything, if only you dared. And deep down, you know it, too. That’s what scares you most.”
    ― Sarah J. Maas, Throne of Glass
  • “You cannot pick and choose what parts of her to love.”
    ― Sarah J. Maas, Heir of Fire
  • “Whenever anyone has called me a bitch, I have taken it as a compliment. To me, a bitch is assertive, unapologetic, demanding, intimidating, intelligent, fiercely protective, in control — all very positive attributes. But it’s not supposed to be a compliment, because there’s that stupid double standard: When men are aggressive and dominant, they are admired, but when a woman possesses those same qualities, she is dismissed and called a bitch.These days, I strive to be a bitch, because not being one sucks. Not being a bitch means not having your voice heard. Not being a bitch means you agree with all the bullshit. Not being a bitch means you don’t appreciate all the other bitches who have come before you. Not being a bitch means since Eve ate that apple, we will forever have to pay for her bitchiness with complacence, obedience, acceptance, closed eyes, and open legs.”
    ― Margaret Cho
  • “A bookshelf is as particular to its owner as are his or her clothes; a personality is stamped on a library just as a shoe is shaped by the foot.”― Alan Bennett
  • “Learn from me, if not by my precepts, at least by my example, how dangerous is the acquirement of knowledge and how much happier that man is who believes his native town to be the world, than he who aspires to become greater than his nature will allow.”
    ― Mary Shelley, Frankenstein
  • “Seek happiness in tranquility and avoid ambition.”
    ― Mary Shelley, Frankenstein
  • “Life’s all about the revolution, isn’t it? The one inside, I mean. You can’t change history. You can’t change the world. All you can ever change is yourself.”
    ― Jennifer Donnelly, Revolution

Thanks for reading.

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