I finished my favorite book for what seems like the twelfth time last night. I brought it back to school with me after going home this weekend, not even realizing how badly I needed to re-read it. Every time I read it, I’m reminded that I’m strong and deserving of so much more than I sometimes settle for.

It’s been awhile since I’ve seen a sky this clear: the brightest shade of blue and not a cloud in sight.

I’d rather be hurt than hurt someone else, and I think that’s part of the problem.

I’m ready to focus on myself for awhile. To not give pieces of myself away too quickly or easily. To read, plan my trip, watch hockey, laugh with the people who matter.

The crispness in the unusually cool air reminds me what it feels like to be awake. I dread the day I’ll wake up and it’ll be in the eighties again, because I don’t want to forget what it means to be alive and thriving.

Cooler weather always reminds me of the wild. Pine trees on a mountainside. A rushing river; a still lake. And wolves, running –– always running.


“October is about trees revealing colors they’ve hidden all year. People have an October as well.”

“Please don’t expect me to always be good and kind and loving. There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand.” {Sylvia Plath}

“‘No’ might make them angry, but it will make you free.” {your freedom is more important than their anger}

“Real love doesn’t meet you at your best. It meets you in your mess.” {J.S. Park}


In your eyes there’s a heavy blue
One to love and one to lose
Sweet divide, a heavy truth
Water or wine, don’t make me choose
I wanna feel the way that we did that summer night
Drunk on a feeling, alone with the stars in the sky
I’ve been running through the jungle
I’ve been running with the wolves
To get to you, to get to you
I’ve been down the darkest alleys
Saw the dark side of the moon
To get to you, to get to you
I’ve looked for love in every stranger
Took too much to ease the anger
All for you, yeah all for you
{Selena Gomez & Marshmello, “Wolves”}

And I wonder why, wonder what for
Why we keep coming back for more
Is it just our bodies? Are we both losing our minds?
Is the only reason you’re holding me tonight
‘Cause we’re scared to be lonely?
Do we need somebody just to feel like we’re alright?
Is the only reason you’re holding me tonight
‘Cause we’re scared to be lonely?
{Martin Garrix & Dua Lipa, “Scared to be Lonely}

She’s out of her mind
And wraps herself around the truth
Yeah, she loves when everybody’s watching
She knows the way her body moves
She loves the way they all crawl back when she says
That she loves nobody else but you
She’s on the loose
{Niall Horan, “On the Loose”}

Everybody’s got somebody
I just wanna be alone
Well, I don’t need no one
Have too much fun
Out here on my own
I’ll drink ’til it’s empty
Stay out ’til it’s dead
I’ll wake up at midday
And marry my bed
I’ll kiss all the women
Get punched in the head
You could offer the world, baby
But I’ll take this instead, yeah
{Niall Horan, “On My Own”}

I’ve been hoping somebody loves you in the ways I couldn’t
Somebody’s taking care of all of the mess I’ve made
Someone you don’t have to change
I’ve been hoping
Someone will love you, let me go
{Hailee Steinfeld & Ales, “Let Me Go (feat. Florida Georgia Line & watt)”}

Just a young gun with a quick fuse
I was uptight, wanna let loose
I was dreaming of bigger things
And wanna leave my old life behind
Not a yes sir, not a follower
Fit the box, fit the mold
Have a seat in the foyer, take a number
I was lightning before the thunder
They say you’re basic, they say you’re easy
{Imagine Dragons, “Thunder”}

Loosen up and lose your mind
You never know what you could find on the other side
Oh oh, I’m dreaming up a world with you
Oh oh, and all the things that we could do
Loosen up and lose your mind
You never know what you could find on the other side
All of the things that made you feel better
You should take a pen and write it down and make it feel better
All of the things that made you feel better
You should write it all down and put it in a letter
{The Barr Brothers, “You Would Have to Lose Your Mind”}

Yeah, I’d rather be a lover than a fighter
‘Cause all my life, I’ve been fighting
Love only left me alone
But I’m at one with the silence
I found peace in your violence
Can’t tell me there’s no point in trying
I’m at one, and I’ve been quiet for too long
I think too much, and I hate it
Loving never gave me a home, so I’ll sit here in the silence
{Marshmello, “Silence (feat. Khalid)”}



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