I have had several blogs before, none long-lasting, and I never wrote a post introducing myself on any of them. Seeing as this blog represents a fresh start- in blogging, in attitude, and in life- I thought it would be fitting to write my first post about, well, me.
To start off, my name is Martha, which means “lady”. I’ve never much cared for my name, and I’ve spent the past year narrowing down and trying out in my head potential new names. Which brings me to the name of this blog, Gemrene (pronounced gem-reen). Though I still have a ways to go until I can legally change my name, Gemma Renée is an absolutely beautiful name that I’ve fallen in love with. To me, this name represents new beginnings (the name Renée actually means “reborn”) and happiness. Since that’s what I want this blog to be all about, the combination and abbreviation of these two names seemed like the perfect name for it.
I am a teenaged-something girl who has a lot of different, scattered interests. From fashion to books, hockey and traveling, languages and reality TV, music and home decor, I have a very multifaceted range of hobbies and interests. Perhaps that’s why I’ve failed at blogging before- I have so many different passions that it was extremely difficult to blog consistently about just one. (I have previously written a fashion/personal style blog, a writing/book blog, and I created a vegetarian lifestyle blog that I gave up on before I even began.) So I finally had to face the cold, hard truth: I can’t have a specialized blog. It won’t work for me. My interests ebb and flow; sometimes I read all the time and wear gym clothes everywhere because I don’t want to shop or dress nicely, sometimes I don’t read at all and wear a different outfit everyday. The point is, I’m doing what every blogger says not to do: I’m starting a blog without a single focus, and I’m going to fill it with miscellaneous posts about everything I like. Deal with it, blogosphere.
I want to travel all across the world and see as many places and cultures as I can. Though I’ve never traveled outside North America, I am obsessed with Europe, especially France. I am a huge Francophile. I’m not sure when or how it started, but ever since I can remember, I’ve been absolutely fascinated with France and all things French. Which brings me to another interest: languages. I’ve studied Spanish throughout my educational experience and plan to continue studying it at least through the end of high school. I definitely want to begin taking French in college, and I want to study abroad in France and hopefully England.
Hockey is the only sport I follow religiously. It’s the only sport I follow at all, actually. Though I am a competitive swimmer, my youngest brother (I have three siblings) plays travel hockey. My family has season tickets to our local NHL team and I couldn’t be more excited for the upcoming season. Not only do I go to games, but I also I watch them on TV, even games my home team is not playing in. That, my friends, is true dedication to a sport. For me, this is extremely impressive.
A career in fashion has been my dream for several years. I really want to go to college in a big city, out of state. I don’t know exactly what I want to do in the fashion industry, but I know that ultimately, I’d like to have a job that allows for travel and hopefully a career in styling. Photo shoots, ad campaigns, red carpet events, movie and TV casts- I know that styling is a job I would never get tired of. Two of my biggest fashion idols are Rachel Zoe and Olivia Palermo because of what they’ve made for themselves in the industry. Also, because their personal style is amazing.
I love to read. Reading is a huge escape for me, and it brings me much joy. I would say that I read a lot compared to most people my age. Most of my friends don’t read at all other than the required books for school, and even those they struggle to get through on time. However, I know there are a lot of book lovers in the book blogging and booktube communities that read way more than I do. I read around 70 books each year. When I start a book, I have a very hard time putting it down. This leads to all-nighters, cramming for tests, and stressing about things I put on hold while I finished the dang book. So I find myself going through cycles of reading every spare minute I have (and don’t have) for a few weeks and then not reading at all for roughly the same amount of time. I wish I could read more consistently and become better at setting a book down when I have other things that need to be done.
Reality TV is my guilty pleasure. Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Dance Moms, The Real Housewives, and Ladies of London are watched by me every single week. I also enjoy Million Dollar Listing, the Bachelor/Bachelorette/Bachelor Pad and Flipping Out. I have more difficulty keeping up with plot-based shows. I used to watch crime shows like NCIS, Law & Order, and CSI regularly, but gave up on keeping up with them. I still watch Pretty Little Liars, and I like the show Reign a lot, though I’ve fallen severely behind. Something about reality television, though, de-stresses me when nothing else can.
I have several other interests as well. For one, I am a vegetarian, so I am always researching ways to be a healthier veggie girl. I want to lead a healthy lifestyle, and health and fitness are important to me. I also love decor and interior design, and I fantasize about redoing my room. (Not gonna happen.) I am most certainly an amateur photographer at best, but I’d like to learn more and become more skilled and creative with my photos.
Last but not least, I’ll share some of the quirks of my personality. I am a Type A perfectionist who is more than a little bit obsessive-compulsive. I consider myself to be rather selfish and stingy, and I definitely need to work on generosity and patience. I’m a good friend who remembers small details and asks the questions no one else my age seems to bother asking: “How is your grandma recovering from heart surgery?”, “How are you doing with your eating and body image now?”, etc. I go all out for Christmas and am willing to spend my entire bank account on gifts for people I love and appreciate. Gifts are my love language. I confront issues directly and despise passive-aggressiveness. I don’t gossip for the most part, but sometimes a girl just needs to vent. That does not mean the listener should go around repeating what was said! I consider myself hardworking, goal-oriented, and I always look at the big picture. School, and being successful in it, is extremely important to me, though sometimes I wish it weren’t so. I have an ambivalent-meets-love/hate view of competitive swimming. I am a pessimist and an idealist. I am a dreamer, and I easily get so caught up in plans for the future that I forget to live fully in the present. I get stressed out really easily, and if there’s nothing to stress over I’ll create a source of stress because I don’t know how to live without it. I get anxiety about the future, and quite honestly, I often live in fear. Regret, severe disappointment, and inadequacy are the three feelings I fear most. I work hard to not feel these things, and other consequences result.
What I’ve come to realize is that there needs to be a balance in my life. A balance between things I have to do and things I want to do. I’ve been mostly work and hardly play for the past… well, long time. In my last years before leaving home and starting a life separate from the one I’ve had for over a decade and a half, I need to learn how to have fun, genuine fun, again. I need to learn balance. I need to teach myself that it’s okay to work my butt off as long as I do things for my own pure enjoyment too. Both working hard and having fun will pay off, albeit in different ways. Most of all, I need to learn how to be happy, and not only that, but to find and create happiness for myself, no matter what is going on in my life. I can’t put happiness on hold until graduation, until college, until my career, until anything. It needs to start now, otherwise the happiness I think I’ll feel when I reach those milestones will be temporary and artificial. Because stress doesn’t go away. Because life is never perfect. Because we as human beings must be happy with the people we are before we can be the people we will become. And I have to be happy with myself to be happy with my life and all that I am blessed to have.
I only have this one life. And I need to start living it.